I’m starting a rumor. Gavin Creel has a small penis.

June 23, 2009 at 2:19 am Leave a comment


Photo Credit: Walter McBride/Retna Ltd.

Upon perusing pictures from this weekend’s Broadway Bares, it seems Gavin Creel bared nothing at all.  The burlesque fundraiser for BC/EFA should be renamed Background Bares, as it’s only ensemble cast members who have the balls to strip down and…well, show us their balls.

Don’t misunderstand.  I’m cool, having not seen Sutton Foster’s titties.  But I have a boner to pick with Mr. Creel.

First Hair, and now this?!  Stop keeping your fucking clothes on!

I get why Claude doesn’t drop trou during “Where Do I Go.”  Contrary to the shit I talk, I believe there are no mistakes in theatre.  There’s reason behind every choice a character makes.  Unless it’s 2004 and you’re Scary Spice, playing Mimi in Rent and you demand to wear black pants instead of the original blue pair.  Then you’ve just got a fat ass.

Gavin, baby, you had me at “chim chim cher-oo.”  But I can’t help but wonder, why so shy?  Grower, not a show-er?

Feel free to disrobe and disprove my rumor at any time.

Entry filed under: Broadway. Tags: , , .

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The Bitch

Hey, hey boys and girls and girlie boys! It's me, Topher! (Ms. Lupone to the haters.) Welcome to my blog!

I wanna be to Broadway what Perez Hilton's to Hollywood, only better looking and maybe a touch less catty.

Okay, just better looking.

I'm not here to report - I'll leave that to classier ladies, like Broadway World and People En Español - No, I'm here to dish and on things like Eden Espinosa's bangs or why Alice Ripley hasn't blown her nose since Sideshow. You know, the important stuff.

And I'm not alone in my bedazzled, hell-bound handbasket. Joining me are my snobby theatre friends, Clarina and Rich. (More about these tricks below.)

Watch your back, Broadway. We're coming for you...

The Bitch’s Bitches


Clarina (Topher U/S)
20 / Sits to pee. (And wipes with Playbills.) Obsessed with Elaine Stritch. Tried poppers once, to fit in at a gay club. Considers Diet Coke and cigarettes a "power breakfast." Blackouts often.

22-year-old heir to a dump truck fortune. Masturbates to Jane Fonda's workout videos. Has a fear of string cheese. Wine-O. Unable to "hold it" 'til he gets home. Tenor.
Rich (Swing)

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