With Bret Michaels now in the clear, I feel I’m able to pose the following question:

Had things not gone so well and Bret Michaels died, would Broadway have gone dark?  And when I say “Broadway,” I of course mean the Brooks Atkinson Theater.

Hey, ‘member when he almost died at last year’s Tony’s?  He almost dies a lot.  Coming or going, Michaels?  Figure it out, girl.

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Posted by: topherlupone

Um…  Let’s talk about their choreography.  If you missed it, here’s what went down:

I just IBDB’d their choreographer, Steven Hoggett and American Idiot’s his only listed credit.  Weird.  I thought, for sure, he’d have a regional production or two of Miracle Worker under his dance belt, given these snazzy moves.  Way to wow us, Steve.  I love that you’re a RentHead though…

Julie Larson, however… Probably not as amused.

Also!  A quick note on casting:  It’s nice that between American Idiot and Glee, Spring Awakening’s brats are getting more than just 15 minutes.

Long story, short:  Spring Awakening fucked Rent and American Idiot’s their love child.  The show’s outa previews and opens today and despite the shit I’ve talked here, I plan to see it, as should you.  Right now, Broadway’s lacking youthful energy and edge and American Idiot has potential to shake things up.

Ugh.  I hate that I’ve ended on a positive, so I’m gonna leave you with this doppelganger:

Right?

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Posted by: topherlupone

Oh shit…

Last week, some girl was caught giving her guy a blowjob at the St. James Theater, during a performance of American Idiot.

Here’s what I love about this story:

I love that the theater’s ushers didn’t interrupt them, once said suck-off was brought to their attention.  They’ll grab your cell if you dare snap a shot of the set at intermission or scold you for unwrapping candies during the show, but they won’t pull a bitch off her man’s dick?  All I gotta say is, noted. 

I also love that it was a guy and a girl caught and not two gay guys.  It’s actually shocking, considering how much gays love musical theatre and having sex in public.  I’m thinking though, the guy had to be gay.  Who but a gay man would get hard during a Broadway show?

Thankfully, Patti LuPone’s not part of American Idiot’s original cast, what with her tendency to call-out misbehaving audience members.  Remember this?

Can you imagine being on edge, about to blow your load, and all of a sudden, Patti LuPone’s bellowing at you to stop?!  Terrifying.

I wonder if the guy came?

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Posted by: topherlupone

“As coroner, I must aver
I thoroughly examined her HIM
And she’s HE’S not only merely dead
She’s HE’S really most sincerely dead”

How ironic…  Oops?  Meh.  He outlived Judy.

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Posted by: topherlupone

I wanna bitch about The Addams Family.  First of all, the Munsters are pissed.  Overlooked again!  Second, and upon seeing pics from previews, I gotta ask…  Where’s Cousin Itt?!  Kacie Shiek could’ve been brilliant.

Kudos to the show’s producers, though, for taking such a risk with casting.  So, sooo many unknowns!

Cricket, cricket.

If you couldn’t tell, cuntcakes, that was sarcasm.  The show’s so grossly star-studded, it’s the He’s Just Not That Into You of theatre.  And I’m just not that into it.

Congrats, though, to Krysta Rodriguez, Broadway’s biggest whore for OBC credits.  Baby girl plays Wednesday, proving the cliché’s true:  The third time is, in fact, a charm.  Way to break outa your ensemble box and finally play a character with a name.  50 bucks says she bounces after the Tony’s…

If boob tube musicals end up Broadway’s newest trend, it’s terrifying to think, what’s next?  A John & Kate Plus 8 musical, spun as a modern-day Sound of Music?  And if reality TV’s not off the table, I’m saying now:  Mama’s not down for Jersey Shore: The Musical.  Although, I’ve often wondered how Jerry Mitchell feels about fist pumping…

Take that how you will.

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Posted by: topherlupone; Photo credit: Matt Hoyle, Joan Marcus

The only thing “brought down” here was the key.  Yeah, she was sick.  But isn’t that what understudies and standbys are for?  Call out!  Tell a bitch, Fantasia.

When I hear this, all I picture is a backstage Eden, applying her green halfway through the song, as fast as she can.

In sharing this, I’ve received a nasty comment or two from Idina fans on YouTube.  I’d say I’m bothered, but that’d be a lie.  For me, hate mail’s a good time.  How I’ve dreamed of the day it’d start pouring in.  So thanks kids, for pulling yourselves outa your Grimmeries, saying hi and making a boy’s dream come true!

In fact, I thought it’d be fun to respond to a few of these comments and post my replies here, on the site.  Check ‘em out after the cut…

Broadwayrus this is when the whole cast was sick including Idina and Eden had to take over for Act 2, So she was not giving a bad performance she was just sick

topherlupone No, she gave a bad performance ‘CAUSE she was sick.

mikyfdh lol if its so bad y was the audience cheering

topherlupone Who makes up a Wicked audience?  The same sort who’ve commented here;  Fan girls and fan boys who’d rather see Idina on an off-day, not hitting the high notes of the show’s “single,” than an unknown understudy or standby who could out-belt a sickly Menzel.  Or tourists who aren’t familiar with the show or any of the songs’ intended pitch.  Just ’cause there’s applause, doesn’t mean it was a good performance.

Guimmi wtf? Idina is great no matter what. This performance occurred when she was really sick and chose to do the show anyway.

topherlupone Bad call, I say.

wildfiretgh You’re absolutely pathetic. Idina was obviously very sick and the fact you attack her for that proves nothing but how trashy you are. She will accomplish more than you ever will and I guarantee she has more talent in her pinky finger than you do in your entire body. She is phenomenal and a legend, get a life you sad loser.

topherlupone When did I attack Idina?  Truth be told, I’m a fan.  But I’m not deaf.  And I’m bluntly honest.  This wasn’t a great performance.  Far from it, actually.  To me, it is the worst “Defying Gravity” ever.  Thinking so doesn’t make me pathetic or trashy.  While on the topic of class though, you’re not looking the most refined either by calling names on YouTube.

ABoismier You know, for a guy who’s trying to make a statement, you’re obviously pretty uneducated. Her pitch isn’t even that bad in this performance, with the exception of the last two ‘bring me down’s, and even then the note is within the same chord so it’s technically not “off-pitch”.

Worst defying gravity ever? Post one of you singing and I can almost guarantee it would be less solid. Or just hide behind your computer and tear apart the woman who created the most popular character on Broadway. Loser.

topherlupone The fact that you find me “obviously uneducated” for having and expressing an opinion only suggests your own stupidity.  Obviously.

Why should I have to post a video of myself singing before remarking on another’s performance?  I’m not a professional singer.  I’m not paid weekly what Idina was, to do what Idina did.  Do you feel only singers should critique singers?  If so, please adopt your own logic here and keep quiet ’til you run your own blog, ripping apart Broadway.

In case you haven’t heard, Stephen Sondheim’s turned 80. The fairy godmother of Broadway has had quite a week of celebration, completely upstaging Andrew Lloyd Weber, whom he shares a birthday with. Whilst on the topic of upstaging…  Before Lincoln Center had a chance to recover from the combined, destructive forces of Patti and Bernadette, The Roundabout Theatre Company swooped in and surprised Stephen with a present deserving of an even gaudier bow.  Just as the curtain fell on a private performance of Sondheim on Sondheim and Sondheim, himself, entered stage left, shit got real. In an upstaging equal to what I reserve only for the cattiest of revenge, it was announced that The Henry Miller Theater will be renamed after the Queen him/herself.  That’s right.  Roundabout saw Lincoln’s bow and raised them a theater.

That next day, Patti’s publicist could be heard shouting into her phone, “The L is already there!  Just replace the ‘incoln’ with ‘uPone!’”

A few questions:

• What took so long for this to happen?  If anyone has e’er deserved a theater, it was Stephen.  But right after having written Company.  Not 40 years after.
• Who’s Henry Miller?
• How long does a theatre stay named?  And what bitch’s lease is up next?
• Most importantly, where do I sign up for mine?

Kisses,

Team Bernadette!

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Posted by: richierichster

This year’s celebration featured performances by Michael Ceveris, Mandy Patinkin, Bernadette Peters and many more, including the other LuPone, Patti.  The Birthday Concert’s set to air on PBS, but not until next year, which is weird only ’cause you’d think time would be a sensitive matter when dealing with one now in their 80′s.

I can’t wait to see this shit, but ’til I do, I’m tided over by Broadway World’s photo coverage.  Speaking of, I have a thing or two to say about the pics that’ve popped up these past few days…

Serious question: Who the fuck tied that bow?  And did Sondheim think, even if just for a second, Lincoln Center was his present?

Can you imagine the back and forth between Bernie and Patti’s agents and the concert’s producer, ensuring one wasn’t more center-stage than the other?  Obsessed!

Who knew baby bumps were possible so long after menopause?  Oh, and PS: FACE!

Erm…  Really?!  I’m starting a rumor: You’re The One That I Want winner, Laura Osnes, is clearly sleeping with whoever casts Sondheim’s birthday parties.

What up, panty lines?

Sometimes a trademark should be retired.  Make the switch to nude stockings, girl.  But way to bring back the stirrup pant!

Top or bottom, you think?

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Posted by: topherlupone; Photo credit: Walter McBride / RETNA Ltd.

What I love, love, LOVE about this video is, not only is she under-pitch on the last note, but she takes a breath halfway-through, only to return to the bum note!

Remember MTV’s search for the next Elle Woods and the fuss that was made over being able to hold that last note?  M’hmmm…  Save for Legally Blonde’s cast recording, I don’t think Bundy’s ever not taken a breath mid-note.  I can’t help but love her though.  And her lack of breath control.  Presh!

Sidenote and completely random, but does anyone else think Bernard Telsey looks like The Penguin from Batman Returns?

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Posted by: topherlupone